Real Talk, Respectful Dialogue: Engaging Students on Challenging Topics

Grade Level: All

Intended For: Educators, School Staff, School Leaders

Introduction

Immigration. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Voting and elections. LGBTQ+ rights and other civil rights. AI. Climate change. Freedom of speech.

These are some of the topics that may come up in today’s middle and high school classrooms, either in social studies class because the main topic surfaces controversial issues. Or, the issue may be one that’s been in the news which students are eager to discuss. Many educators, especially in today’s political climate, feel uncertain or uncomfortable about facilitating these discussions in their classrooms. Students, too, may be scared to speak up and share their views or worry about being judged.

This resource provides tips, strategies and resources for engaging students in real talk and respectful dialogue. Some call these kinds of discussions “civil discourse,” "crucial conversations,” or “constructive dialogue.” No matter the name, these conversations provide students with the skills, tools and mindset to engage in discussions that are often challenging to discuss. The topics may be sensitive, difficult, hit close to home or are politically charged or controversial. 

Some may wonder why we need to have these conversations at all, or why we need to have them with young people. These topics are the ones that often divide us and leave some feeling powerful and others feeling powerless. These conversations sometimes end in people feeling worse and more confused. But because these discussions are happening in our communities and world, they are relevant to our politics, way of life, and the human condition. 

Young people want and deserve to be part of those conversations. Their thinking and perspectives are being formed, and they are old enough to understand the issues and weigh in. Helping students explore those topics in a structured and safe environment will prepare them for this type of dialogue as they move into adulthood. Engaging in these discussions helps expand students’ knowledge and different points of view on those topics.  

Real talk and respectful dialogue can have a lasting impact, both on the topic of that dialogue and the openness to talking about challenging issues amid disagreement. Respectful dialogue can deepen students’ understanding of and knowledge about the topic at hand. It helps them gain insight into different perspectives about the topic and why people hold those points of view. It deepens communication skills and bolsters critical thinking. Engaging in respectful dialogue can build care, compassion and empathy. It is a life skill. 

These discussions are more likely to be effective with careful preparation and thought. That is the focus of this resource: to provide the tools needed to help these conversations be successful.  

Preparing Yourself and Your Classroom

Unless a topic comes up spontaneously and you don’t have time to plan, spend some time planning how you are going to handle this discussion. 

The first thing is to prepare yourself. While you don’t need to know everything about the topic to facilitate a discussion around it, it’s important to prepare yourself with some background on the topic, the different perspectives on that topic, and some potential misinformation that has emerged about it. You’ll also need to prepare yourself emotionally. This means if you have strong feelings or opinions yourself about the topic, do what you need to do to work through those emotions before engaging with students on it. Distance yourself emotionally. It’s important to acknowledge to yourself that these discussions may not be easy. 

You might also want to consider some of the “what-if’s” that might happen during this discussion, such as: What if bias and stereotypes emerge? What if a student unknowingly shares lies and misinformation? What if the vibe in the room gets so tense that students can no longer listen or hear each other? We’ve provided some what-ifs and tips for preparing.  You know your students best, however, and can assess some of the what-ifs that may emerge.

You’ll also need to prepare your students and the classroom environment so that “real talk and respectful dialogue” can take place. First, assess whether the topic is viable for students. The American Psychological Association (APA) has some helpful questions to ask yourself, including: 

• Is the issue appropriate for your students, given their age, maturity, culture, knowledge, and interests? 

• Does the issue provide for the study of differing positions and opinions? Will there be an accurate, factual, and balanced presentation of materials, readily available for all students? 

• Should students/parents have the right to opt out of the conversation or pursue an alternative assignment? 

• How might you anticipate and prepare for possible student comments or responses, particularly those that may be extreme or particularly biased?

• How might you help students explore arguments on opposite sides of the issue, as well as identify and clarify possible prejudices and biases? 

Here are some additional questions to reflect on:

• Are students emotionally prepared to engage in a conversation that may be emotional, raise issues “close to home,” or challenge their previously held opinions about the topic?

• Do students have the emotional maturity to handle disagreement without being disagreeable?

• Are students able to handle disagreement without resorting to bias, stereotypes or misinformation to make their point come across?

• Do most of your students have the necessary skills (see below) to engage in real talk and respectful dialogue?

If you haven’t already established classroom communication guidelines, it is important to do so before beginning these discussions. It is ideal if students help to create the guidelines so they will be invested in using them. Either use our process for Developing Classroom Communication Guidelines or establish one of your own. In short, it’s important to have guidelines that focus on the following:

• Show respect for others.

• Listen actively.

• Confidentiality (stories stay, lessons leave).

• Share air-time.

• Speak for yourself and your own point of view.

• Be present.

Share with students that discomfort–due to silence, uncertainty, disagreement, or strong feelings–is okay. Discomfort is not the same as feeling unsafe. Students should be able to feel as safe as possible. Make sure you have sufficient time for this discussion. Give your students some time to prepare and set aside at least one class period for this dialogue, and possibly more.

Discussion Format and Structure

There are different ways you can structure these discussions. You may want to use your regular classroom discussion format for this conversation. Or, you can use a specific structure to engage students in discussions like these. Some structured discussion formats include Philosophical Chairs, Fishbowl Discussions, and the Socratic Method/Socratic Circles. 

Whatever structure or format you select, the following discussion components will help foster listening, learning and engaging students in real talk and respectful dialogue: 

• Set up the space so students can see each other, ideally in a circle or U-shape/ horseshoe. If you can only seat students in groups, make sure that the groups encourage diversity and encompass different aspects of identity.   

• Assess students’ prior knowledge and experiences. You can use a survey, poll, questionnaire or open-ended questions to determine what knowledge they already have. In addition, this assessment should help surface the perspectives, assumptions and potential biases students may have about the topic. You can use this information to dispel inaccurate information, assumptions, myths or stereotypes.

• Take time to hear what students’ questions are about the topic, their learning gaps and what more they want to know about the issue. You can use this information to provide information as part of the next step.

• Provide background information (articles, videos, book selections, etc.) for students to prepare for the discussion.

• Allow time for silent reflection and informal writing to help students get their thoughts out. This can happen before the dialogue takes place or intermittently as the conversation progresses. 

• You may want to include opportunities for students to talk in smaller groups (before the large group discussion), such as turn-and-talk and small groups/micro-labs. This will help students clarify their thoughts and ideas and practice sharing their thoughts.

• Provide time for students to ask follow-up questions of each other. These questions should be clarifying and curious rather than interrogative and adversarial, so it’s important to watch out for a negative tone. 

• After the discussion, determine some areas that students want to investigate and research further. 

• Provide a “parking lot,” which is a visible list of issues that are off-topic, related but not central to the topic, or unresolved issues. These items can be addressed if there’s time at the end or determine another opportunity to explore them further, if necessary.  

Skill Building and Mindset

The following skills, norms, mindsets and values are important aspects of engaging in ”real talk and respectful dialogue.” These skills can be taught before your classroom conversations, reinforced during the discussion or modeled by you as needed. They can also be incorporated into and discussed with your Classroom Communication Guidelines.

• Active listening involves paying attention and focusing when someone is speaking, not interrupting, listening to understand rather than forming your next argument. You can practice active listening by having students choose a topic, pair up, and practice active listening with a partner. 

• Speaking for yourself and speaking to be understood involves using “I statements” when sharing thoughts and opinions, not speaking for others (using “I” not “we”) and speaking in clear and non-judgmental language with the goal of helping others understand your point of view rather than trying to win the point.  

• Asking open-ended questions includes asking questions of others that opens the conversation and helps to clarify their point of view. It’s best to use questions that focus on how and why, rather than yes and no questions. Also, it’s important to ask questions that help you understand others’ thinking rather than using questions to trap them and their viewpoints. 

• Making arguments with evidence-based claims involves, as much as possible, using facts, data, logic, and information to support an argument, not letting emotion-based opinions take over (see next bullet point) and making sure not to spread misinformation (false or inaccurate information that is spread regardless of your intent to deceive).   

• Being aware of one’s emotions and gut feelings means that during the discussion, it’s helpful to notice and be mindful of triggers, gut feelings, and heightened emotions, especially those that are close to home. This doesn’t mean ignoring those emotions, but rather, recognizing them as they come up and separating them from evidence-based arguments about the topic.

• Seeking common ground involves making an effort to not only understand multiple and different viewpoints, but also to find points of agreement or common ground. This may or may not be possible, but if there are real areas of agreement, use those to build bridges of understanding. You can still disagree.

• Acknowledging that most topics/issues have many “sides” or perspectives is a critical step in engaging in respectful dialogue. Some students may not know that there can be different perspectives, experiences and knowledge that shape someone’s opinion, so it’s helpful to establish that from the beginning.

• Differentiating opinions from facts. Elicit from students that facts are information about something that is true and accurate and can be verified or proven. Opinions are beliefs or views that are not factual in nature.  

• Disagree respectfully means that while disagreement is fine and part of life, we should not belittle, put down, disparage or discredit those with different opinions. We state our opinions clearly and, at the same time, continue to listen and seek to understand others’ points of view, even with that disagreement. Providing sample language like, “I see where you are coming from, but I don’t agree” can be helpful. 

What-Ifs

• 1. What should I do if bias or stereotypes enter the conversation?

  • As part of your Classroom Communication Guidelines, include “ouch” (that felt hurtful) or “oops” (sorry, I acknowledge the hurt) to provide space for addressing bias or offensive language.

  • Talk with students about intent vs. impact. Explain that while someone may not have intended bias or stereotyping, the impact of those words was harmful, and the impact matters. 

  • Ask a question to clarify what the person means.

  • Name, but don’t shame. It’s important to name the bias without shaming the student because learning is the end goal. Explain why it was biased and potential harm it can cause.

  • If the comment is blatantly biased, remind students about the Classroom Communication Guidelines and give them the opportunity to take accountability.

  • If the conversation gets too intense or adversarial, end the dialogue and explain why.

• 2. What should I do if a student shares disinformation or misinformation?

  • Explain what mis- and disinformation are: Misinformation is false or inaccurate information usually spread by mistake without the intent to deceive. Disinformation is false information deliberately created and/or spread with the intent to mislead, manipulate, or cause harm.

  • Discuss the impact of dis- and misinformation which includes spreading wrong information and lies, perpetuating mistrust and potentially causing physical or emotional harm.

  • If you suspect mis- or disinformation, share why.

  • Ask students where they got the information they are sharing.

  • In real time, share some tips about uncovering mis- and disinformation, or show students how to verify.

• 3. What can I do if I don’t know whether the information being shared is accurate or not?

  • Ask students where the information came from.

  • If time allows, do real-time fact-checking, modeling for students how to do it.

  • Encourage students to do their own fact-checking and provide strategies for how to fact-check. Check sources and show students how to do that

  • Ask students questions to try to determine accuracy or encourage students to ask each other questions.

• 4. What should I do if the discussion gets very heated, tense or argumentative?

  • Remind students about the Classroom Communication Guidelines and point out where the discussion may be crossing the line. 

  • Do a vibes check by asking how everyone is feeling or doing an anonymous poll. Ask students to share (optionally) why they’re feeling that way.

  • Share your own perceptions of the classroom environment and what can be done to turn down the temperature.

  • Acknowledge that strong feelings, enthusiasm and passion are great. However, if the discussion becomes so tense that students can no longer hear each other, we will have to scale it back or end the discussion.

  • End the discussion and start again another day, tweaking the Classroom Communication Guidelines as needed.

• 5. What can I do if my students are so excited about the topic that they want to do something about it?

  • Always encourage action, activism and advocacy, especially about current events and issues in the news. This builds civic engagement.

  • Encourage students to learn more about the topic and how people and organizations are working to make a difference. 

  • As a class, identify and explore ideas and a potential project to address the issue.

  • Engage students in researching local or national advocacy organizations they can partner with on this topic.

Ending the Dialogue–What’s Next?

After the discussion, take the time to assess how it worked for both you and the students, and make adjustments for the next discussion. 

You can engage students in a self-assessment by asking some of the following questions, either in a discussion, survey, poll, exit ticket, or silent self-reflection: Some questions may include: 

• Did I listen to other people’s perspectives in order to understand their point of view? 

• Was I able to understand other people’s opinions? 

• Did I avoid stereotyping, assumptions, misinformation and bias? 

• Did I share my thoughts from my own perspective? 

• Did I comment on other people’s ideas rather than on them as a person? 

• Did I learn new facts, data and information that impacted my previously held views? 

• Did I make arguments and statements based on facts, data, and information? 

• Was I able to separate my strong feelings from the arguments being made about the issue? 

• Was I able to disagree respectfully? 

• What is something I learned today that I hadn’t considered before? 

• How will I incorporate that into my thinking or perspective? What more do I want to learn?
  

Educators can do their own self-assessment about the dialogue by first reflecting on the students’ self-assessment. Some self-reflection questions for educators include: 

• Did (some, most, all) students participate by speaking, listening, jotting down notes, and sharing their thoughts? How so? 

• How were the Classroom Communication Guidelines followed, and when they weren’t, how was that handled? 

• Do we need to tweak or update the Classroom Communication Guidelines? 

• To what extent did students use facts, data and information to support their claims and perspectives? 

• To what extent did students disagree respectfully? 

• Did students learn something new? Are students open to new ideas and thinking, and how do you know? 

• Did students exhibit empathy and compassion towards each other? 

• How did I facilitate the discussion, and to what extent was it effective or ineffective?
  

After these assessments are completed, share your findings with students and discuss with them how to improve the process for next time to increase learning, perspective-taking and empathy. Incorporate those ideas into your next respectful dialogue, sharing with students what you changed to make the discussions work more effectively and your hopes for moving forward.